Why Is Niceness Mistaken For Weakness?

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I’m a nice person. I like being nice. It feels good. Like everyone, I’m not perfect. I have bad days, I have my moments. But generally speaking, I’m pleasant, courteous, cooperative, and light-hearted, and I like being that way.

So, it’s always puzzling to me when people mistake niceness for weakness. What is it about niceness that says “pushover” or someone who doesn’t stand their ground?

There was a time when I would give people a lot of chances. I would give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they were having a bad time, going through a situation. Everyone has different personalities. I’m not excusing bad behavior, just taking into account human nature and how life can be.

After that going on for too long, for too many times, I decided that I’d rather turn my time, attention, and energy elsewhere and allow things to balance out, naturally. Now, after one, maybe two chances, I walk away. No holding on. No judgments. No hard feelings. Wishing them well.

I’ve lived long enough to, within a few minutes of meeting someone, get a good sense of who they are. Seeing their goodness, and making a mental note of what to keep in mind.

If someone does challenge me and I feel that it’s important to respond — because of my niceness — they’re usually surprised when I do. I didn’t think you had it in you. But still not taking me seriously, not letting up. Further mistaking my niceness for naïveté and not being very bright. That’s when they can really get surprised. There’s nothing in the rule book that precludes nice people from melding intelligence, wisdom, compassion, and boldness, with a little bit of wit. It can be powerful.